Confuse your would-be enemies! My apple crumble recipe

In The Legend of Dick and Dom, Mannitol’s evil Nan used her addictive apple crumble to enslave the adventurers (and a giant troll, if I remember rightly).

My crumble may not cause a dependency, but if you feed it to your would-be enemies it’s sure to confuse and disorient them.

Jackson’s apple crumble


  • 800 gram tin bakers apple or 4 or 5 big apples
  • a sprinkle of sugar if the apples are tart


  • 80 grams butter
  • 3/4 cup self-raising flour (I use half white half wholemeal, but whatever)
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
  • 3/4 cup brown sugar
  • 1 cup quick-cooking oats
  • 1/4 cup dessicated coconut


  • Preheat the oven to 200 degrees C.
  • Melt the butter.
  • In a large bowl, mix all the other topping ingredients, then mix in the melted butter.
  • If you’re using fresh apples, peel, core and slice them.
  • Spread the apples into a medium-sized baking dish or pie dish, eg 20cm square or 23cm round.
  • If the apples are tart you might want to sprinkle them with sugar.
  • Spread the topping over the apples and press it down a bit. 
  • Bake for 20 minutes until golden brown on top and smelling YUMMY.

It’s nicest served warm with some kind of dairy blob, like custard, yoghurt or whipped cream. Or icecream if you must.

Rough measurements are OK.


  • Use other fruits. Apple and rhubarb is good but add some sugar!
  • Put a few cloves in with the apples.