Feel not

Tracks in a bubble chamber, particles
whizzing and circling, we signal
each other with a brush
of the fingers
We don’t see the fingers, only
the words

velvet-coated two-edged words
all you had
(more than you wanted)
and it tasted like…
tasted like…
it tasted like rain in your mouth

Like rain falling into your mouth,
and like a stone on your tongue,
and like earth on your lips

(You said this doesn’t taste like sunlight it tastes like water,
this doesn’t taste like soap it tastes like a sliver of toast,
this doesn’t taste like wine it tastes like water
straight from the tap)

It tasted like rain in your mouth
There was no leftover curry, no cigars,
no clubs, cars or exotic beaches,
none of that. Only the clean electron taste
of rain. Had you shocked and shaking,
had you spinning on the spot
(had you blurting out nonsense)
had you groping, scratching, licking for more
had you a blind beast
had you
had you
had you
had you sated, slapped around, passing
out and coming round,
doubled up in grief at the death of the mystery,
doubled up in grief at the death of the rain,
doubled up in the mud,
doubled up in pain.

Transmitted character
by character, the striking,
twisting duality, the position and momentum

(You said this is salt and pepper and greasy chips
— but you wanted prosciutto, you wanted laksa —
eggs and dubious sausages, American ketchup
— but you wanted sushi, chilli, rollmops —
pesticide potatoes and chemical cabbages and waxed, fake apples.)

Smell not sweet fresh energy, smell not old leather, smell not.
You wanted roses and lilies
but you smelt daffodils and forget-me-nots
You wanted trucks or lions or angels,
moans or whispers, bells,
but you heard a little stream without even a name
You ached to feel sandpaper, to feel a flame,
a cat, a weapon
a rod, a whip
and a hand, a calm hand in yours
but in the end you felt nothing.
Feel not ecstasy, feel not contemplation, feel not.

Taste not blood, hot metal, cinnamon, smoke
Taste not rain
Taste pain,
quiet transparent pain.

(You said this looks not like a god or a beast or a devil
but a man, just a man
You said it tasted like rain
but it tasted like mud, mud, mud in your mouth
and in mine)